Spoil your darling (or yourself) this Valentine's

Heartbreak & how to (quickly) get over your ex

I want to start being more open and honest with you guys. I’ve strictly been a fitness blogger for years, but as I mature personally, I feel like I want to share more of myself with you. Be more open and honest about the life journey that I’m on. And since it’s Valentines Day, and I’m sure I’m not the only single girl left in the world, I’d like to share a bit about my experience with heartbreak and how to get over a man you’re in love with – as fast as possible.

Because believe me, I’ve been there. I’ve felt that gaping wound inside that just doesn’t seem to heal, no matter how much you try to fill it with friendships, career or some new guy.

But I’ve also recovered. I’ve healed. And every time I had to go through heartbreak, I came out stronger because of it. And I promise you, if I can get over what I’ve been through, so can you.

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My heartbreak story

The heartbreak I’ve been through, is the pain of being in love with a man who chooses another woman over you. It’s painful, not just because your can’t be with the person you’re in love with, but because you’re also left alone with everything you wanted to give and receive – and they chose someone else over you. You’re feeling so insignificant to this person who means the world to you.

This happened to me for the first time in 2008 when I was 18 years old. On a holiday to Sunny Beach in Bulgaria (yes, I was one of those drunken teenagers!) I fell in love with a tall, handsome guy with dark hair and blue eyes. We were both from Denmark and quickly became a couple after returning home. He was my first love and I guess that’s when I found out how deeply I love. But he wasn’t over his ex and broke up with me to get back together with her.

I remember how everything turned black when he told me he wanted to end us. How I couldn’t eat and woke up crying with eyes that were swollen from crying myself to sleep and in my dreams. I lost a love I believed to be true and it left me shattered. In the first weeks after the breakup I could barely get out of bed. I had great support from my mom and best friends, and they all helped me and were there for me, but I just couldn’t move on. For so long I believed with every inch of my soul that I had found the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with – and lost him. We didn’t have any contact for almost a year after the breakup, and I really really tried to forget about him by being with friends, working, focusing on school, partying and dating other guys, but nothing seemed to work. It was a nightmare and it took me 4-5 years to finally get over this man.

About 4 years after this break up, I finally met someone else I liked. And I sh*t you not, but the exact same thing happened again. It was made even worse (if possible) by the fact that the guy, the new/old girldfriend and myself all worked in the same office. I don’t even know how things got so bad and how I didn’t realize that this guys ex worked in our office before it was too late, but there I was… Heartbroken again. Going to work was so painful, I remember taking breaks to go cry in the bathrooms and I was staring to believe that the pain would never go away. How could it? I don’t even know how I managed until eventually, I lost my job. Which was probably a good thing.

After this experience, I didn’t date anyone for a while.
I was already kinda into fitness so I just submergered myself into the world of fitness and didn’t look back… I needed a break from men. So I trained, competed, studied, blogged… I owe everything I have to fitness. It’s not only how I make a living today, it also literally saved me from both anxiety, depression, stress and heartbreak. On my list of tips to get over a heartbreak as quickly as possible (which I will share at the end of this post) taking care of yourself through exercise and a healthy diet is at the absolute top, because it makes you feel so much better.

Back to the story….

Fast forward to 2017. I haven’t been in a relationship since that last one, but have had some crushes that didn’t work out. I moved to Dubai and in the beginning of last year, I start dating a new guy. He lived in a different country but we decided to try to make the long distance thing work… And I’m sure you can imagine what happened. When I called him on his birthday and he couldn’t pick up because he was “having dinner with his parents” I just knew. I should have ended things right there, but was going to visit him a few days later, so I waited until we were together to be completely sure that my suspicion was right. And of course it was. Bye boy.
This time though, I got over it in less than a month. As in completely over it. No thoughts, wishes or feelings left towards this guy.

I’m not saying it was easy and having gone through the process before definitely was a great help in getting over it, but I still wanted to share some of my tips with you guys.

By now you know that I’m close to being an expert in getting over an ex, and if you’re hurting right now, I want you to know that you WILL GET OVER IT. The pain will go away and you will be happy again. No matter how much pain you’re in right now, eventually the pain will subside.

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How to heal a broken heart (as quickly as possible)

1. Don’t contact your ex. If he contacts you, it’s ok to respond but don’t initiate contact within the first month. Those first weeks after the break up are crucial. You need to find yourself in all of this, and you can’t do that if you’re still calling and texting your ex. I also suggest you stay away from all social media related to your ex. Right now, it’s too painful and you might see something that makes you even more upset. Just don’t do this to yourself.

2. You’re allowed to be sad. To crumble and cry. Make sure you share your sadness with someone in your life that you’re very close to. Someone who will listen and be there for you, no matter how many times you have to go over your feelings and no matter how sad you are.

3. At the same time as you’re being sad though, I want you to ask yourself this question:

If I totally loved myself and cared about everything that happened to me, how would I treat myself?

And start applying your answers, turn them into actions. Look at the food you eat, your decision to exercise, spending time with friends, focusing on your career or treating yourself.
Really treat yourself as you would your best friend in the world. Look out for yourself and make choices that your future self will thank you for.

This process can be long. Weeks, months, even years.
During this time, you’re still allowed to be sad. When you feel the wave of sadness coming, just let it consume you and feel all your emotions for as long as necessary. The more you allow yourself to give in and really feel the sadness in the beginning, the sooner you’ll start to experience moments of joy again.

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4. If you’re at a stage where you feel like you should have moved on by now, don’t make things worse by obsessing and worrying about it. You will move on eventually. You can help yourself to get there faster by applying my advice, but you can’t force it, it will happen when it happends.

Taking care of yourself and looking out for yourself is not going to heal your broken heart in an instant, it’s a wound that takes time to heal. But when you treat yourself well and make good choices, you’re giving you body and mind the best circumstances to be able to heal.

And when you’ve healed, it’ll be so much easier getting back into the world if you’re confident and have learned how to love yourself.

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